This is my perfect kinda sunday, really. Last night I didn't even care about firework, the Boston Pops, and 4th of July celebration. I just sat in my room gathering thought about what have been happening in my life. I decided not to leave Boston bolting for Portland yet. Therefore, I decided to skip Primo this time. I wanted to eat and cook there for a day. Melissa Kelly has been one of the leading female chef I have long admired, including Barbara Lynch, Amanda Lydon, Lydia Shire, Jody Adam, Diane Foley, Susanne Goin, and last Sophie Pic. I woke up so many time last night just to read Michel Bras's cookbook. I am excited about going to Hugo's and 555, and most of all seeing my friend who I met at Sel de la Terre, Sam Ferguson. I felt relieved, free of sadness, and getting my good spirit back. Sunday morning light coming through the shade has always been my favorite thing to see when my eyes first open. It is the best morning moment of my day off. I used to love spending days off like that in bed with Pook. Just doing nothing but cuddling her in my arms. Pook never slept away from me. She would find a way to crawl under my arms and made it known that she was there for me. If I snored, she would squeeze and hold my nose so I would suffocate and woke up.
I had two good sunday morning so far. Last two Sat, Mel was in ER. I made Mel. called the restaurant to take a day off. Took a while to convince this tough cookie to call. Mel and I are the same, highly responsible. Glad you listened !I went to visit and hung out in ER. I woke up to pick up breakfast from Mike's diner and literally did nothing all day. Mel was kinda pissed thinking I left without saying goodbye. Last night Mel. called me after reading this blog and stuffs I wrote about Pookie around 1am. I was asleep and woke up to chat. I guess Mel. felt sorry for the situation I am in. I was happy to at least have a friend who care. I am sure Meow will call if she ever know. But I don't want her to know yet. Meow is like Pook's older sister. She was the one once told me while she laid next to me watching TV on my bed along with her daughter Alisa. "Hey, of all the women you've dated. Pook is the one you've got to marry. Don't let her go. She is a special kind and genuine". I remember that since. It was the best compliment from my true friend about Pook. Pook was kinda jealous a bit about Meow and I when she first met her. I told her about our special bond and she finally got over quickly as they both became like sibling. Pook love Meow's daughter as if she is her own child. I could not be happier. This morning, I woke up to go to southend buttery to grab coffee, then head to Metropolis to have a good bunch by myself talking to old friends; such as, Tony the sous chef there and Maecella, GM. Sam called me from Portland to confirm about picking me up around 10am tomorrow. I will leave here early and have lunch with him before heading to Five Fifty Five. Sam confirmed he's spoken to his boss, Steve Corry and I am all set to stage there. Then we will pick up Lily, his girlfriend from Sel later tomorrow night. I am glad both of them hooked up. Lily is a great gal who was not right for Steve (her ex and a former cook at Sel). Sam is a nice and more mature lad. Anyway, I had 5 cup of coffees and feel all right all day. Omelett and French Toast I had always good. And they didn't even charge me a dime. Buttery was my favorite place when I cooked @ Union and Aquitaine. I always went for a cup of coffee and pet dogs there. It is a kinda coffee shop I would love to own one day adding to restaurant/Inn. Years ago, I ran coffee shop before and was a coffee enthusiast. I hate Starbuck but always heart local coffee shop. I have not had a perfect sunday for long time. The today weather was 75 degrees. I hung out by myself reading Bras cookbook in a park. I walked by Stir again hoping it would open so I could read some cookbook or buy some but it was closed. Pook told me to stop buying cookbook and I still struggle to stay away from it. I went to Aquitaine to see Soley but he took a day off. Last time I ate brunch in southend was with Pook @Aquitaine. I still remember what we ordered, egg benedict, creme brulee, oj, coffee, and ham and cheese omlette. It was over 4 years ago but the memory about her has always been vivid. Getting breakfast @ Mike's diner or goodies from Flour bakery used to be my sunday ritual for a while. I texted Doug and Mel about my sunday morning, simply want to share.
It is now 8pm. I have been sitting by the window of my bedroom writing about my day. Looking out the window at this time of any summer day is one of my favorite moment. The layer of red, golden, purple, and blue color from the sun setting is the perfect thing and make me feel happy. I would trade anything in life to just be sitting on the beach of an island in Thailand or any cliffs of the west coast like San Diego watching sunset with a camera in my hands.
Hey, Mel. Thanks for the call last night after reading about Pook. I felt appreciated and much better when you called.
July 5, 2009
Easy like sunday morning
July 4, 2009
Going to Maine to cook, learn, and recharge
Portland.
Sun : Drive up to Primo? - walk in to ask for a stage ( get a room or come down to Portland) or
just go up there to eat or Bar Harbor
Mon : Work @ Five Fifty Five? – hang out with Sam (stay in Sam place)
Tue : Stage at Hugo’s all day - stay with Vito ?
Wed : Leave Portland early & Prep @ Radius from 12pm til close and write a thank you letter to Chef Rob Evans at night as well as to others if work out as planned.
Needed info
Sam’s contact 19 Longmeadow Road, Cumberland Foreside, ME, 04110.
Hugo’s = 88 Middle StreetPortland, Maine 04101 207-774-8538
Five Fifty Five = 555 Congress StPortland, ME 04101(207) 761-0555
Fore street = 288 Fore StreetPortland, Maine 04101
easily reached from I-295 from the North or South.
Primo Restaurant 2 S. Main St. Rockland, Maine 1(207)596-0770
“Actions are the seed of fate deeds grow into destiny.”
Harry S Truman
William Jennings Bryan (American Politician and Orator. 1860-1925)
June 20, 2009
Never say goodbye
This past two weeks has been painful. Irreconcilable differences with Pookie (with a flashback of our great memories) and else, the departure of two best friends @work, and break up. I had one hope left and it was over. I feel heart broken and torn again. I felt I have disappointed everyone. I have not been myself since Pook came, left, and gone. I woke up in the middle of one night from a bad dream. I felt lost, totally lost. I called Mel. to share with. It was tough. I wrote a letter to close friends and family members sharing my thought about the lost of loved one over 3 years ago. That night when it all hit me, I was drunk, continued to drink and passed out in the bathtub. I am always in control of my own life and destiny until the night when I got the phone call about the death of my grandpa from my mom while at work. I told myself I was ok but my eyes can never hide sadness. I never even cried when he died. Lately, I manage to make fun of myself and make other people laugh but it is not easy for me to deal with it inside. I feel there is a gap and void inside of me which has left a permanent scare since we broke off engagement 15 years ago (my ex fiancee and I). With death of my grandpa, uncle, and losses followed, I could not comprehend what happened with me and Pookie. She took away my soul. I was numb more than sad, confused more than loss, 9 years of knowing her with 6 years of loving her, I've poured all heart and soul into her life. Why wouldn't she say yes if she really wanted to spend the rest of her life with me? Why sticking to all rules and all bullshit surrounding what her parents' public recognition? We both wanted small wedding with close circle of friend and family only. I don't think this will ever happen. I totally lost her.
Then I met one incredible woman and befriend with. I shared so many thought with her even though she is 24 and I am 38. Her different perspective in life made me seeing things differently. I have been vulnerable emotionally and not totally myself. She made me laugh again though regardless of what really behind the back of her thought, I didn't care. Especially the classic story of why she totally stopped eating chicken when seeing a full loaded chicken truck on a highway. I laughed like never before. Her personality resembles Pook and seems to attract everyone around like Pook. The difference is just Pook's purity, sincerity and 100% good heart. Pook never hurt anyone she come across in life. She is like my mom, an unreal saint. Mel. shared a story of how her heart was broken to find out her first boyfriend since high school cheated on her. How sad she was as if the world came tumbling down. Feeling betrayed is the worse. She is moving away in couple months and we have vowed to be friend and she will visit me in Thailand if I will ever go back. I think she just want to travel far east I have always got "you are a great guy and women would love to have you" excuse from any great women I've dated or been with. Mel. told me the same thing since we have been friend. I really think it is one way to get rid of a person you are not into. I am sure her and I will be friend like Meow and I have been for 15 years. I was loss at words and was not completely myself since Pookie and I drifted apart. I have promised Pook to will one day taking her hand, promised her dad and mom about it, and still not give up that small glimpse of hope yet until 20 years from now when grieving isn't the option anymore. Her family has been incredible to me which made me even more sadder to think about. Unless, we turn completely to be brother sister like relationship again or she has found better man than me. All I care is for her to be happy. Being 3 years apart from her, I can proudly say I was totally faithful to her and I knew she did the same. I am approaching 38. Two more years of planning to adopt a child seems imminent to me. Pook was the last hope of marriage and now she has drifted away. I will probably never date anyone again as it will always end up like this. Casual relationship will be the only thing I will ever allow myself to get into.
I have found the right term for me, emotional rest stop. I have always been a rest stop to women I have dated, then they left even after 5 years. I have known Pook much longer than everyone. It has been 9 years. Just perfect!. The pain will last twice longer than the actual time and years I spent with her. With my college sweetheart and ex fiancee, it took me over 10 years to finally let go off it. May be it is time to just devote my passion and life to cooking and be worried free about something else. I want to give my best, do my best, and growing to be as best as I can be in my cooking career. I guess this is the perfect time and my positive attitude start to come back as well as my old swagger. I want to be the same man who was carefree about nothing else but good time, family and friends, and career.
Eventually I am going to write 4 different tributes to these 4 people (Doug, Foley, Aya, and Mel. )who somehow have had positive impact on my life and the cooking life at the present time. There is one good side about me which my grandpa always praise about. I look at mainly positive side of every human being I come across in life and be a positive influence on them. Some learn, some don't. I actually learn so much from others. Even anyone who treat me badly or stab my back or act completely nice in front of me but they have negative thought about me, I will somehow find good thing to talk about or befriend with. Nobody perfect. People love to be portrayed in a good way or act completely opposite from who they deep down inside really are. When they feel vulnerable, it sometimes shows. When they feel insecured about themselve, they beat other people down to make them feel better for themselves. Right now, I can easily fall for someone like what happened to me & Meow. I felt grateful that some people have been trying to get me back on my feet. Simply asked questions like "are you all right?" made me appreciated that somebody care about me. As for Pook?. I will always love her, adore her and be supportive to her no matter what. She has been nothing but the second best to my mother. I will chase after her again if life comes to full circle. What can I say... I live my life passionately. I kiss someone with my heart beating out of my chest. I hug someone as if this is the last hug. I work my tail off every single day as if it is my first and last day at work. Not that my friends die. They just left the restaurant for more challenge. I have already missed all of them. Outside work, I have also lost. Mel gave me a glimpse of hope and happiness, and lots of laugh. Then left me a void to deal with. She has been nice and be supportive even though it may not be who she really is or probably can't wait to get out of her sight. Last summer in a city full of young people and a closing chapter to begin a real adult life after school..... I will do the same (have one hell of great time). And Pook, you gave me the best love of my life. Thank you for a beautiful letter and support you always have for me. My love for you has been real, honest, and the best I 've ever given someone. I will never forget all of you. But as for now, hurt so good.....................
Recap of my week
Alex and I went to Toro. I spotted Chef Schlow and said hello. He ended up paying the meal for us. I was gonna buy Alex a meal as he never ate Tapas before. Greg, my friend, who cook at Toro and write a blog, Braised and Confused, sent out complimentary dishes. I went in to chat with him in the kitchen after closing as he is heading to Spain to stage at Mugaritz this Nov. This could be the last time I see him. Chef schlow came inside the kitchen to thank Greg and said goodbye to me. I offered him to cook a Thai meal for his next party. We ate a lot and that would cost over 100. We ordered corn, beef tongue, charcuteries, mussel, pinxos, and etc. Alex and I headed to Beehive to get drunk and listened to live performing. Later, I went by to chat with Mel. Of course, more lecturing...bleh! I am appreciated her good thought about me though (between us) and the nickname she gave me "PITA" = pain in the ass (hahaha). I am sure I have been in one of the trash talk subject among her friends but that because I maydeserve it. At least, it is how she wants her friend to portray her. One great thing about her is she like to make others people feel better about themselves even though this isn't who she really is. She is one of a few people that can make me laugh nowadays. We can't be anything else but friend.. Doug, Alex, Aya, Michelle, Janissa and Vito are the others who make my rough days at work becoming a laughable one. Pook used to make me smile all the time until recent months and past 3 years of up and down. I saved all of her emails, notes, voicemails, and etc so one day I can put them together as a package if we decide to get married. Now, I don't know. I wished she realized that I only had her in my mind and determined to make it work. She gave up finally.
Aya came back from trip to London and Barcelona. She went to places I suggested; such as, Rivercafe, Oriol Balanguer, etc. I was happy to be able to suggest her places to go and she went. She bought cookbooks from spain and UK as well as sweet from Oriol Balanguer. They were amazing dessert and beautiful packaging.
June 8, 2009
Don't miss Top chef Master this Wed.
Ok, folks. Top chef Master serie will be on air this Wed. Chef Schlow of Ra.dius also participated. I am sure they have already known the winner but everybody is tight lipped about, including chef. He is the one holding a craved apple "Chef" along with Tim Love, Hubert Keller, and Christopher Lee of Aureole (formerly Gilt). All contestants are renown chefs. Many I want to stage with or work for and some I have been to their restaurants. I love the clip of Mark Peel swearing "Oh, bullshit"...just funny. The contestants are good blend of young talent chefs to veteran and best of the country. Just interesting serie to watch.
Don't miss it. Pookie you can watch the clips online unless Bravo is on a cable channel in BKK.
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June 2, 2009
Recap of last week
I walked home with Adrienne from Chinatown on Sat. I admitted my legs were dragging... Got home by 5am. Happy night to hang out with Alex and A D and sipping Korean soju along with Kimchi Jigae, Jap Chae, and Bibimbap.
Sunday was hectic, looking for parking spot. Went to Caitlin place late but we went (Alex, Vito, and I) to support her. She asked everyone to come for a party and I knew many not gonna come. Sometimes, I told this girl not to try hard to be accepted, just be herself. Her drive reminds me when I was young. I was temperament, dangerous to friends as I would punch first and talk later. Caitlin will be fine after she graduate from college. She just need to stop caring about who won't matter in her life 10 years from now (some idiots in school who don't want to be her friends because she can't party with them ). They played beer pong...similar to my highschool time... Vito was an entertainer... the dance, the dress up look, and the sh-t face after... Doug is obviously Debbie drowner...like me when Pook left 3 years ago, missing another half kinda feeling. It is tough to have someone you love and care in life, then they are gone
Went to see Bob Davie's painting @ Blue room with Foley and Doug. Good thing, Doug get to meet people and start building network. We are invited to go to openhouse @ the distrillnery where all loft are occupied by artists. It will be nice.
Foley and I headed toHungry Mother after. I wanted to say hi to Barry and thank him for his positive influence on me while @ Lumiere. I finally met him after almost 3 years. I am happy for his success and his passion led him there. We had more beer, boiled peanuts, great pulled pork sandwich, and etc. Saw Barry 's child, chatted with his wife and John, his biz partner and friend. I am happy for him. Yeah, they kept their promise to put people who donated money for them to open restaurant. Saw Louis's name, chef @ Sel and Andrew, former chef de cuisine@Lumiere there as well. Just amazing how much people care to support him and how he has tranformed his passion of cooking and turn it to be so successful.
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May 19, 2009
Escargot farming & a tribute to my grandpa
This is a tribute to my grandpa. I have not really thought much about him since he died, on Thanksgiving Day a few years ago while I was at Colonial Inn. I did receive a phone call from my mom while we took a little break after 2:30pm seating was completed, a full house with 400 dining customers. Dorothy picked up the phone and said "your mom called from Thailand". All eyes were on me while I took that call. And they all told me to go home to call family members. I insisted on staying and made sure it was run as smooth as planned. I wanted to make him proud as always at least one last time.
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I drove home that night around 1am partially confused, lost, sad, and stunned. He was the most influential and inspiring person in my life. He taught and raised me to be who I am and a decent person. I always talked to him about everything, mostly life and business aspect. My grandpa was once a very wealthy man. His classmates and friends were two of the top five richest men in Thailand, a banker and an agricultural tycoon. I saw a picture when my dad was around 8 years old when he owned a big house, just right behind Japanese Embassey in Bangkok with 4-5 cars. Later, he moved to chinatown in Bangkok to avoid bombing, just prior to the world war 2. Then he went bankrupted because his two best friends stole all his money and fled the country. One lived in Singapore owning department stores and hotels; such as, Hotel New Otani (mispelling?) and Isaton department stores. Another became a Hongkong shipping tycoon. 30 years later, they reconciled and made a mend to be friend again. My grandpa was too kind actually. His whole family suffered from that loss. My dad started working @ the age of 9 to help bringing food home and supported family. From richness to the ultimate poor point, my dad grew up in a roughest neighborhood of Bangkok, Chinatown, zoned by gangs. He was sent to a boxing camp and eventually turned professional as he grew older. He was also a muay Thai champ who never smoke, drink, gamble, and waste his life like many did. And he finally retired working as a CEO of a company and did business law consulting for several firms. My second uncle has become one of the world leading cardiologist and the king's personal doctor. All of my grandpa's children have become successful. I am proud of what my grandpa did for all of us. Not much but we live comfortably and be passionate about what we do. We somehow learned so much from him.
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My grandpa once had an escargot farm, no kidding. When people ask me (as a child) what my grandpa did for living, I said "He is a snail man" before I ever think of saying "He is a glass maker". Yes, indeed he was the snail man. My childhood friends never believed what I told them until they came to my house and saw the damn snails crawling all over the window, side walls and everywhere. He built his snail farm right in Chinatown in Bangkok. The place we grew up is probably the biggest piece of land in Chinatown, a hidden place with a grandhouse which once belonged to a King Rama 5th's wife or concubine so to speak. Her name is Jao Jorm Gularb. That house was surrounded by 3 two story homes and two 6 stories building where we all lived, one big nuclear family. They are all belong to my grandpa. In fact, the land belong to the royal family of Thailand. My grandpa leased it forever? We have right to build building and lease it out to others, sort of selling right to lease which can be lucrative as the land in Chinatown in Bangkok is the second most expensive one. No, we are not rich but have things we need to live happily. Another 6 story building actually fenced us from seeing a historic semestery. And my grandpa just build his snail from there. He also dug a canel around the snail farming to prevent them from escape. It didn't actually wo rk as we all saw them laid eggs in every flower pots and left slimmy tracks everywhere they crawled. We had fun as kid seeing those but none of the senior were happy. My grandpa called a shot and had the last word at home so they let him enjoying it. I remember going in his small canning factory seeing 4 people working on shucking snails out of their shells and finally can and pack them up for shipping to France, Hong Kong, and Japan. He finally stopped doing it after several years because no one was interested to help him. My grandpa was a go getter kinda person. He believed everything was possible for him. He self studied about fish farmning, snail farming, and everything he could get his hands on. His life had been an amazing story and I wished I could write them all down. My only guilt to him was not able to get married before he died. He wanted to see a great grand child. I promised him but could not deliver. Other thing was destroying his whole wall to wall library by accident. I boxed all of his book collections (all about doing businesses and etc) when I moved into the family library room. And months later, termites ate them. He was sad but never mad at me.
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My grandpa always came to me after each of his birthday celebration party @ some fine chinese restaurants in Bangkok and asked me to pick somewhere else serving other things but Chinese. He got bored all it after a while. He once asked me from his hospital bed " what would you do when you leave the hospital after visiting me?". Then he asked me to ask him the same question he just asked me. Then his answer was " I am going out to eat what I never eat, see the world I have never seen, do what I have not done, and make a bucket list of things I want to do while I still breathe". He made me love the food, love helping others, and live my life to the fullest and see other perspective in life which others may not see. I can see a good positive side of an asshole and b-tchest person I have ever come across in life. And that man had opened my eyes to see the extraordinary side of what so called "Life". His death reinforced for me the fragility of life. We all mourned for his loss. Thanks, grandpa. I have never ever said goodbye to you. The letter I wrote about you for your funeral memorabia book has never been published. So this is a goodbye. Soon, I will cut my hair and donate to LOCK FOR LOVE for cancer patients. All for you. Rest and be proud of what you have done for me. The things I will remember about him was weather it was good or bad in life, my whole family believed he would lead us to the brighter side. I guess it was the greatest compliment which defined who he really was and his role model.
May 12, 2009
Spring allergy once made me quit cooking.
Today, my allergic reaction to Spring pollen was the worse I have had since the 1999. I was frustrated all day and totally suffered. I double dosed 24 hour Claratins and Benedrils yet it didn't help until after work I felt the effect of overdosing. I passed out while sitting on a chair changing shoes in the locker room for about an hour !! This morning, I woke up early to take super cold shower, then put an ice pack on my eyes and went back to rest for another hour. I left the house around 7am. I rode the bike chasing the T (subway) for couple blocks, I struggled to lock the damn bike. I missed that 710am T which would bring me to the restaurant around 740am, my usual arriving time. Then the next train arrived 20 min later which was odd and it was like sardine packed in the can. I arrived 5 min after 8 and my two friends who rode bikes were already there waiting and got everyone screamed at for being late. Then standing on the hot line preping was not helpful at all. Heat, smoke, and humidity in the kitchen makes allergic reaction worsen. I learned that since I was a child when my eyes felt burning from allergic reaction to dust. I would put a pack of ice or cold wet towel to cover the eye area, lay down couple hours, and I would feel ok. Today, I could not rest but had to work and get things done. It bothered the heck out of me all day having to blow my nose, sipped iced water, and washed my face with cold water all day. Nothing worked. Allergy and me are inseperable since I was born. I knew since I was a kid that I am allergic to dust, cleaning chemicals, air freshener, and anything smell pungent (you will hear me sneeze loudly).
In 1999, my immune changed my life forever. Like the allergy to crab and shrimps happened since I was 8 and allergy to alcohol when I was in 10th grade, it just happened from that Spring on. I love gardening, outdoor, woods, trees, and flower. Now? I have to be super careful with it. My first allergic reaction to pollen in 1999 was severe. I cooked in Thai restaurant at that time aiming to open my own place after graduation from Johnson & Wales. Then allergy hit at the same time with a break up with a girlfriend I met in JWU who now is married to my best friend's brother. I was ok with the break up but the disappointment was unbearable. She was caring like Pookie but Pookie is a lot more like my own mother. We thought of opening restaurant together here so I could attend Culinary Institute of America while running my own place over the weekend. I scouted for location throughout Connecticut and Western Massachusette. After sleeping in the car, hotel rooms, and staying with my cousin in Frushing, NY during 2 months search, I finally found two ideal spots in Greenwich county, one in New Canaan and another one in a prime spot in dowtown Stamford. It was a perfect location to commute to CIA and running business because there was no Thai restaurant existing between Greenwich and New Haven (1 hour apart). That idea were off as soon as we decided to break up due to long distance relationship. I could wait but she couldn't after I lived alone for 1 1/2 years without laying eyes on anyone but cooking. Generally, I walked away from the chance to run my family business, a handmade glassware, to pursue the dream of having my own restaurant. She could not be tempted to leave the wealth behind to start a small business with me. She cared enough wanting to be my friend for life until my bipolar sister pissed her away.
Then spring allergy hit me hard. I almost lost my eye sightness due to that lengty severe reaction and bloodshot eyes. I managed to go to work 6 days a week dealing with heat and smoke from the wok and worked from 930am til after mid night. I could not drive eventually and gradually lost my sightness. I went to see doctors who oftenly cared and joked about how long my last name is. I was kinda agitated having to answer "how do you pronounce your last name?". Had I been under my uncle care or his hospital, I would get quick treatment in and out. I just dislike hospital because I was in and out so many times during childhood. I would not even go when I broke my ankle playing soccer or had concussion after a death escaping car accident. My aunt had to drag me to the hospital. I remember one hospital when I was carted though a hallway. Some doctors or nurses would come out "How do you pronounce your last name, never seen one that long?''. I was angry hearing that at that time. Every damn medical personals I met, I had to answer it as if it was a joke to them. I got shots and received medicines and 20-30 dollars prescription eye drop to help the healing. With the suggestion from doctor to stay indoor, I had to walk away from cooking and called off another deal to buy a friend's restaurant. Ek is a good friend but he doesn't give a damn about anybody else but himself. His mother was dying from cancer. The deal was on my table. He cared for his business more than anything, even more than his dying adopted mother. She was actually his aunt because his mom was psychologically unstable. His mom was a tough woman who I admired. She never missed a work day even when she was final stage of her life. She would be in the restaurant and we had a place set up in the office so she could take a nap anytime she wanted. I was out of work for 4 months, just to be inside my own apartment and could not do much but sleeping. From that moment on, it took me years to complete the U -turn to go back to the kitchen, almost a decade of cooking iche. I could proudly say that since I never miss a single day of work regardless of how severe my ulcer attack, flu, or allergies. I would drag myself in to work, overdosing the pills or vitamin to rejuvinate myself and fight off the sickness. Yea, I know it is bad to overdose the medicine and it isn't the wise thing to do. With my weak immune I have since the day I was born, I always have to take good care of myself or I will get sick easily. I don't think I will live long like my late beloved grandpa but I will push my own envelope until my last breathe to succeed what I want to be or to do. Along the way to this point, there are good people I have met who would serve as mentor, teach and support as well as many who would do anything to make my life a living hell for whatever reasons. Honestly, nothing ever bother me than someone saying "F-ck your mother" or allergies and chronical ulcer which I have to deal with all my life. And the damn ulcer was the result from antibiotic pills I had been taken for over long period of time.
I asked myself if I enjoy suffering, I actually do. When I grew up from 7th to 8th grade, my knees were in unbearable pain. I probably screwed it up playing rugby. I wore shoes similar to Converse Allstar playing soccer or running. Everyday I looked forward to 3pm school bell which was the end of music practice and the start of sport hours. I limped noticeably when walking but yet pushing myself out to run 7 kilometers, just to finish before 4pm and continue on with Rugby practice or soccer. I ran until the pain gone and kept running harder. Then after running or Rugby practice, the pain returned. I took painkiller every single night to go to sleep. That damn pain just went away one day. I thought my bones were hurt due to my body was growing. If I could bear any kind of pain I suffered. I would never gonna quit cooking even my eye balls fall off or someone throw me out of the kitchen. I am confident that I will meet someone who will willing to teach because that person appreciate my work ethic, team first & selfless attitude, and eagerness to learn. I remember my late grandpa always told me "you would have to work way harder than anyone else you will ever come across in life to succeed anything". I guess he judged me from my health condition or he tried to push me to do better. Whatever his agenda was, I only knew he pushed the right switch on and I can't stop pushing myself hard enough til this day
May 5, 2009
Beard winner 2009, another anxious anticipation and disappointment
James Beard Award Winner 2009 came out last night. I do think all winners somehow deserve to win as well as all nominees deserved to be recognized. It is an honor to be reconized for what they have done but there will always be one winner in each catagory. Dan Barber as outstanding chef of America is well deserved. Nate Appleman of A16 created so much buzz since his book came out as well as his restaurant. Corton and L2O are great as well. Best Chef of Northeast? I cheered for Michael and Arrows. Tony.Maws and Rob.Evans of Hugo's are great chefs as well. Behind all the cooking, I admire what he (Michael) has done, teaching, chef collaborative, and etc. His restaurant is in a small town of MA which was his hometown and away from spotlight. I am sure one day he will get the recognition he deserve. The finalist in Best Chef of Northeast catagory is a tough one. They are all great chefs. But I will never understand how chef/owner of L'Espalier, the only 5 star in Northeast here who got norminated so many years, ignored years after years, til he won couple years ago. I am sure every norminees will finally be recognized. And I am eager to get opportunity to stage at Hugo's someday. Rob Evans is also an alumni of the French Laundry and Inn at Little Washington which are the two of the five world class restaurants I would love to work in United State one day.
David Kinch missed this year is another surprise to me. How many US chef can convince Alain Passard to come n' cook in his restaurant? Which chef Eric Ripert would invite to come back to cook @ Le Bernadin. Kinch has been under radar until recent years.
Sometimes, it takes more than just hardwork, commitment to the craft, support to local farm and community and impressive resume. I have respect the simplicity of Lumiere's food which focus on the freshness of ingredient, the originality of it, and cooking refinement. You will never see foam, smoke, trendy plating, and molecular gastronomy crap there. If you are considered yourself green and into real food, not buzz and trend, this is the restaurant for you. I love the meal I had in Lumiere and love the time I spent in that kitchen. It still holds a special place in my heart until these days and sure beyond. And Michael's concept of food will not change to follow the trend. Every dishes have to be done right, cooked to the perfect temperature, and I never saw a dish sent back.....really. Pook and I enjoyed our last meal @ Lumiere and we still love it. You will never see the 12 course chef tasting there but the fish you eat will be line or hook caught and the cheese will come from local farm. To all the winner, luck? perhap not. Food, no politic? May be. Charm (press)? I don't know. It was not my choice. And Momofuku is on top 50 best restaurant in the world? You gotta be kidding me. May be the fusion of Korean, here and there might excite some big name chef. I am sorry there is nothing better than authentic korean BBQ in Korean town and a good bowl of authentic ramen else where. Nothing against David Chang and time/frustration he suffered during his far East training. Kudo to him for that. But his restaurant is not the best 50 in the world over some world best chefs but Chang seems like a humble guy after I watched a bunch of his youtube per Dougie's suggestion.
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There was a guy walked into the restaurant selling fresh picked ramp this week. This smart guy made lots of cash from mother nature. He sold over 100 lb to Andre, chef de cuisine@Clio and got Vito into the idea of picking some ramp in White Mt. Right now, it is pickling season before ramp and green almond are gone in just a few weeks. After work today, I just sat in the pastry room taking notes from Michelle and Aya while I was off the clock waiting for papaya chutney to be done. Just learning more about pastry which I thought I could hone my baking skills while working @ Union. Had I been here, I would learn more. Chef walked in and chatted a bit with everyone. I left around 930pm. Then I went to Border @ Copley to check out couple books. 10 min. beforee closing time became 40 min mouse and cat chasing. Store clerks were looking for me as I moved around cooking aisles (unintentionally). Got 4 books in my mind to buy....happy ending for today.
May 4, 2009
Under Pressure,
I came across a man name, a scientist who has much impact in cooking compared to Escoffier did in the past. It is about Cryovacking, which is more often called sous vide = French for ''under vacuum''). This was 4 years ago but this movement doesn't seem to fade away a bit but going opposite direction.
He trained great chefs like Keller, Richard, Dufresne, and even the recent Bocuse D' Or US team. Check this article out by Amanda Hesser
May 3, 2009
The beginning of food tours ?
I woke up around 10 am getting a call from Geoff who I met yesterday @ a house in Allston. They finally decided to have me as a new member of a house. GOOD GOD! I am happy to be living with others after living alone for over 3 years. This will be great for me. I need to get my mind off cooking, work, problems @ work, and etc when I leave the kitchen everyday. Next step is to fully move in next week, cleaning and packing stuffs and ship it away. Then I will be ready for the next stage. 3 bags of clothes, 4 big boxes of books I cherish and unconditional love... If restaurant in Laundry, Daniel, Trotter or similar caliber offer me a chance to stage, I would counter offer 2 years of free labor. That's future which I don't bank on but sure will try my best and bank on my luck.
Now, my goal of getting everyone together on Sunday going to farms, food tours, wine trails, hudson valley foie gras and Blue Hill Stonebarn... This is the beginning of my summer project. I have contacted the owner of Hudson Valley Foie Gras. We are good to go. I will set a date after the next couple weeks. Nate jokingly said "you wanna meet Yaney?". He hooked up with the daughter of Hudson Valley Foie's owner who live in the same building I clashed for the past two weeks. I saw her name on the mail box. No comments after.
I picked up Thai chili seeds for Douggy for his garden where Foley, Andrew (intern), Deb, and I hung out after getting sunburn playing ball. He will be excited...I am sure.
Aya went to eat @L'Esp.alier and got to stage there last week. Nate went to trail for a day and will join them on full time basis. Bekah left Sel to join Neptune Oyster. People @ Sel disliked her because of lack of maturity she has @ work. Outside work she is just great. She hated BJ and this will be her good move. She can't handle the high pressure well. And Sel does large volume business.
I finally have a place called home again. I don't need to sleep on an apartment corridoor waiting for friend to come home or slept in the lobby of the hotel I used to work or in my storage waiting to sleep on my own blanket and floor. My own couch or floor are better than hotel room. Nate kinda felt strange today. I had lunch with him and he didn't look too happy. He didn't want to eat Asian food but ended up getting one. Last night, I was supposed to join him and Dan going to his friend's place (Ben), I slept in early as my allergy got worse after I met new roommates. I said goodbye to hotel Sloanficano ( Sloan & Africano ) which Nate came up from their last name. I missed Dan's concert on Friday @ Bill's. I had to find place to sleep. Nate has been talking to me almost every week since I met Sel. We will remain friend for life for sure. Same go with people I met @ Rad.ius. I didn't get to say goodbye to Sam as he came down to pick up stuffs and spent time with Lily and her family. They went to Oya yesterday. I hope they make it work. I like both Sam and Lily. We chatted on the phone a bit and he will start Five Fifty Five next week. I will go to visit hime this summer for sure and find a way to go to stage in Maine's best restaurant like Primo, Arrows, and etc.
The first chef I wanna stage (or trail) with will be Pat Connolly (former chef de cuisine @Radiu.s). I am tired of hearing great things about him and how his kitchen crews would jump into a fire with him :D I heard long ago how cool a person he is and how hard he worked. He never complain about how tired he was or show the sign of weakness to his staffs. Work hard, party hard, and no bull kinda guy.. I just want to learn from him. That will be my first stage outside Radiu.s kitchen and first stage in NYC. I made a list of place I wanna go. And will do the best I can to cross that list all off this year.
Last week has been hell for me emotionally. Adrienne was kind concerned as well as Aya. I was second to quit cooking for good. I lost my passion completely, confidence in cooking, and lost my good soul. WHY? Bad timing? I was tired of negativity surrounding me. Pook left with a big piece of me. Sunday with Doug and Foley rejuvernated me but the crashed down again. My grandpa died and I never left work to return home. I was @ work, focused and made him proud. I didn't, last week. I was crushed. ------- long pause --------- OVER.
I am back. Gonna kick some ass. Gonna speak my mind again. Not gonna be afraid of anything if it is right again. I will stand up for my own good soul. I was tired of negative energy I received from being good behind people back. What do I care now. I hope everyone I love working with and as great friends I've met in this kitchen stay. Having seen Kevin, Meagan, MK, Dave, Tino left was no fun. If couple more people leave, I have no idea what it will be. But now, I will do the best I can as always.
Can't stop Jitti, keep grinding your dinoseur (aging and aching) bones. No time to fool around. Keep on learning and growing in the food world. F--k all negativity, I am back to my own self again and I am not gonna hold back from anything this time.
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April 19, 2009
Pook left again and homeless.
This is hard for both of us. Hope all work out and finally be in each other arms again. Love you Pook.
After spending my first night homeless (not yet found a place to finalize the move), I spent a humbling night and day napping @ Holiday Inn Brookline's lobby for couple hours. Stephen was kind enough to let me use the shower of a room occupied by a housekeeper. He always feel indebt to me as I trained him for the job he has been holding for over 8-9 years and actually saved his butt from getting fired. We had history (bad personality clashes) and the former Front Office manager had to restrain me from kicking his mouth after his harsh racial comment. As soon as my former boss found out about the harassment , he was gonna fire his -ss out of the hotel. I begged him not to because I knew Stephen would be a good asset to his night audit crew. And he has been since. This man never used computer before he met me and still carried a type writer to work. I asked him to grab computer mouse, he jumped from the seat as if there was a mouse under the desk. Many young professionals there just flat out hating him because of his careless comment and the kind of person he is. He actually isn't a bad person. Stephen grew up in Southie part of Boston and that was his only world, a hardcore Irish American who was taught to hate minority. He never left the State of Massachusette until he met his wife. So far he has been to only two states, Pensilvania and Florida. When I was gonna kick his -ss, two people literally locked my neck and pulled me away from him. After I heard his last racial comment to me, I knew I had to kick the - out of him. Since then, he stopped. "Hey, Jitti I wanted to invite you to come to my house party this weekend" he said. I first thought it was strange or they would beat me up and throw me into Boston's river. Then I said "yeah, would love to go and who else you invited?". He said nobody, just me from work. I asked "me?, why?". He then added "so my children could see what an Asian guy look like!". Right after that word, I said that's it "fook that, fook my job and employee of the year mode". I had to kick his mouth and whoop his -ass. It was an ultimate insult. My human decency was immediately shrinked,packed, sealed, and pushed under my piss off blood boiling anger. I knew Rob Clery would like to kick his -ss as well but he jumped between as they never saw me that upset. Stephen later apologized as Dave Darcy pretty much ordered him to do so. I heard all bad things about his southie world and how his dad beat him senseless and abused him as a child. Stephen is a great father to his children and for me to see a man having tear running down his face struggling to adapt to digital world and learn @ work and sharing his childhood problem. I learned to accept who he really is. And that man saved me from sleeping on the street. I got warm shower, couple hours sleep in the lobby and coffee before heading back to U-Haul truck and drove away to find a place to sleep couple more hours. And 2 more hours sleeping on boxes of cookbooks. At one split second, it was a pathetic life I have as well as a humbling moment. The man I once saved him, wanted to kick his mouth was the one who saved me for the day.
Not that I have no option. I am too considerate and hate to bother anyone. Adrienne offered me to clash @ her boyfriend's couch. It was really cool of her. Tyler covered my shift for a day so I could spend last day with Pook. Aya was supportive. Vito offered me a place to clash after his wife decided not to rent out their empty room which turned me into a home less situation. I thought it would be ideal to save the money paying low rent staying with a friend. I do not blame them @all. Nate called and urged me to come and stayed. Afterall, I was too considerate. Pook's parents were gonna try to get me hotel room before they left and wanted to give me some money. By arranging someone to rent our place out, it saved me from going broke and could force me to leave cooking and back to run restaurant for fat pay checks (switching back to front of the house manager). I got paid well, really well. My first pay check here brought a tiny tear on the corner of my eyes. It is the lowest money I have ever made ever in my life but giving this current circumstance is just priceless. Radius has been the best place I have ever worked for. I have met great great people who I will stay connect with life, great friends I have ever worked with, a really good restaurant and platform for me to learn and shine? I got a cold heart email from a man I once considered a brother and best friend who completely changed and only one standing against my cooking career. Michael sent me an email telling that "sorry can't help and good luck" We just could not come to the same agreement. After all, I chose cooking career over friendship. Years of knowing him and turning him to be who he is now means nothing to our friendship. Don't even ask his ex girlfriends about him.
sitting in a coffee shop for the past two days getting connected online so I can manage to stay in touch and look for place to rent, I just saw the meaning of Hospitality written on the wall of a place called "second cup".
Hospitality = The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in the need of food and lodging. I always love "Hospitality" term. That's what my entire career really is all about, except for one year break working as a marketing executive. I have been in Hospitality industry since 17 years old. I do need lodging though eventhough the love for Pook and cooking keep me going and alive. Not having own bed to crawl into is...painful. At least the condo is rented out after three long struggling years. Lexi is now sold. Getting road bike is another step. I will be fine.
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Quote of the Day
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If your aunt had balls, she would be your uncle !! (hahaha)
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By
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Matt Foley, a great fried I met (known as Uncle Foley @ Radiu.s)
He said his dad love to quote this.
Inspired by an ingredient : Green Almond - delicious when pickled.
April 4, 2009
Pook is arriving today and Rush out !
Yesterday was my last day working with John Rush. I grabbed a white apron and signed something for him and urged everyone to do the same so we can give him as a gift and reminder of Radiu.s and friends he's met there. His last day will be tomorrow working with everyone @ the Big Sister event @ therestaurant. I hope I can join them but have to wait until her family arrive and discuss with their plan. John is feisty @times and pissed many people off here but he knew Radiu.s as much as Dougie does. They both work here longer than anyone there and I look @ them as the backbone of this kitchen. But something has been bothering him for so long. Perhaps, he has been here long enough and ready to move on. Pretty much like when I met Leo "Been here too long(5 years)" when he answered my question about how long he has been here. And Leo has just landed a chef de cuisine job@Mistral finally after kicking dirt around town for a few month and cooking @Toro. Rumor said he was not happy not getting chef de cuisine title. He didn't realize that he has not yet been a chef elsewhere. Didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Leo like Dave, Tino, and Rush .I am sure Rush will find a job soon and look back to all good and bad memory and cherish this place a lot more. This is where he has been cooking since leaving C.I.A. He was kinda sad yesterday but he is a survival kind of person who will do anything for his own benefit. He tried to change his decision but it was too late. Heard he has a job lining up @ Ashmon Grill.
After up all night, I am still cleaning and packing. In the next 10 hours, it must be doned. And I would be welcoming Pook with open arms @ Logan airport but she will not be alone. Her family also travel with her :( I love them and they have been great to me, just not when you have not seen your loved one for a long while.
Super tired to think about. I am gonna nap for 1/2 hour and get some take out food and do grocery shopping. Perhaps I need to be super excited about her arrival as Adrienne said. Rush, best of luck to you and thanks for everything there eventhough I wanted to strangle you at times and finally learn to grow to accept and like you a bit more as a coworker. I wish you nothing but the best in your career. Life may cross path again someday or may be not.
April 2, 2009
Congrat to Barry Maiden for Best New Chef 2009
I got home today receiving an email from a friend. Then checking my facebook and Food & Wine Magazine site. I was so excited to know that Barry Maiden, former chef de cuisine @Lumiere who I met and worked briefly with won the Food & Wine Magazine's Best Young Chef 2009. I admired him since I met him there. A very hardworking and humble lad.
Last year, I was happy to find out that he finally opened his restaurant, just right across a house owned by a friend of mine and a block where I used to live. I had some thought about applying for a job there but didn't. And was gonna visit him 3 months ago if Macklin didn't change his plan. He didn't want to be around his sister's house. I remembered when Barry had a scrap book of what his menu would be like @ his dream restaurant. At that time, he worked two jobs, as overnight baker @ a bread company who set up Sel.de.la.Terre's bread company when it first opened and came to help Michael out in the morning prepping stuff. I asked him before what kind of restaurant he wanted to own. He said he would love to cook southern influenced cuisine (where he grew up = Virginia) with French technique using local produces and he stuck to his gun.
Barry got voted the best young chef by Boston Magazine couple years ago. Since his restaurant is open, it has been voted one of the best in Boston and got great reviews by critics as well as diners. I have Barry's number when leaving Lumiere but never call to bother him. Still, I followed his web which posted for donation to build his own restaurant with friends he met @Sel. Barry was a hardworking guy I met @Lumiere and a really good guy I met there. I thought about contacting him for a stage on day off. I will probably do one day. He just got a baby in Feb. What a year for him.
Congrat, Barry. You are well deserved and your hard work paid off.
And much expected from Nate Appleman due to his new book and restaurant in SF and Paul Liebrandt of Corton which was the former site for Montrachet. He was the openning chef @Gilt with his friend as pastry chef before Chris Lee took over. Basically, Food & Wine Best New Chef candidate must be norminated by previous winners and be visited by Food & Wine several times.
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April 1, 2009
Top Chef Master, Bravo filming @ The Restaurant. Best of Luck Sam your Highness Ferguson.
Sam and Nate were @ the restaurant to have lunch and visit me. We fed them good!. Sam came to say goodbye as he is moving back to Maine this week to join Steve Corry's kitchen (Five Fifty Five). I am just happy for him. I am sure to head up there this summer to stage @ some restaurants and visit him in Portland.
Yesterday, Bravo came to shoot some footage for the Top Chef's show during lunch and after lunch. This is gonna be a great one. Rumor said Chef Schlow will participate this competition (Top Chefs Master). Here are the list of contestants
1. Art Smith, Table Fifty-Two, Chicago
2. Anita Lo, Anissa, NYC
3. Cindy Pawlcyn, Mustards Grill, Napa Valley, CA (she also own Fog City diner in SF)
4. Christopher Lee, Aureole, New York City (formerly Gilt and Stripped bass in Philly)
5. Douglas Rodriguez, Alma de Cuba, Philadelphia
6.Elizabeth Falkner, Orson, San Francisco
7. Graham Elliot Bowles, Graham Elliott, Chicago (youngest chef to receive all Chicago four star reviews)
8. Hubert Keller, Fleur de Lys, San Francisco (a legend and a master chef)
9. Jonathan Waxman, Barbuto, New York City
10. John Besh, Restaurant August, New Orleans
11. Lachlan McKinnon Patterson, Frasca Foood & Wine, Boulder, CO
12. Ludo Lefebvre, Ludo Bites, Los Angeles
13. Mark Peel, Campanile, Los Angeles
14. Michael Schlow, Radius Restaurant, Boston
15.Michael Chiarello, Bottega Restaurant, Yountville, CA
16. Michael Cimarusti, Providence, Los Angeles (Foley's favorite)
17. Nils Noren, French Culinary Institute, New York City
18. Rick Moonen, Rick Moonen’s RM Seafood at Mandalay Bay, Las Vegas
19. Roy Yamaguchi, Roy’s Restaurants, San Diego
20. Rick Bayless, Frontera Grill, Chicago
21. Suzanne Tracht, Jar, Los Angeles
22. Tim Love, The Lonesome Dove Western Bistro, Fort Worth, TX
23. Wilo Benet, Pikayo, San Juan, Puerto Rico
24. Wylie Dufresne, wd-50, NYC
March 28, 2009
Calling Chef de Cuisines, Flunkies? This guy deserves a kick in his sorry groin!
By accident, I came across one article this citysear.ch's editor wrote about absentee chefs today (click the link to read it). His blog site is called "The Feedbag" which for a second should be renamed "The Douchebag" or "F-tbag". I was pretty upset reading his stupid comment, so I decided to take couple hours off my house cleaning to write a comment on his article. Not because he put the picture of the chef I work @ his restaurant on the article but I didn't think he has enough size of a man's ball to put picture of those 4 stars restaurant chefs in NYC instead. Most importantly, I did not like his choice of word and quote when he obviously have no idea what behind the real kitchen door and have no ball to tell Eric Ripert himself when invited to Le Bernadin's vintage party. I used to read his blog because I found it was entertaining and I used to like citysearch website. My perception about his writing has been slightly changed due to his ballless writing. He will never gonna be the next James Beard or Frank Bruni because of his kiss ass personality.
I wish Chris Mullin of Le Bernadin will kick his nuts someday on the corner of late night spot in NYC if they both run into each other by accident. That chef has been working @ Le.Bernadin over 2 decade and behind every success of the restaurant and deserved more than "Flunkie" title. Go get the book called "On the line" by Eric Ripert or go to work in top kitchen in NYC such as Jean George, Daniel, and even working under Chris Mullin@Le Bernadin for a day.
May be Joel Robuchon has to be in the kitchen in his place in NYC to cook for you? We all know that we are not gonna get any food cooked by any world renowned chefs when dining in their restaurants. Not even Paul Bocuse did that. They all need cooks to produce the dishes from their creation, recipes, and vision. I have no idea where this guy has been eating. Beside, his choice of "best chinese" in NYC is Chinatown Brasserie. He clearly came from somewhere else, not a true New Yorker who live, eat, and know their food. Tell Chinese people in Chinatown about it, they will probably laugh so hard. That place is so Americanized Chinese.
BTW, we are not flunkies working in the kitchen and definitely not drug abused. Get your fat belly and ass on the treadmill before getting your ass kicked in some of those kitchens if you dare to work there like a real cook for a day. You need to get your ass in a kitchen before you write about it, mister. Go to Perse and Le Bernadin with your article and hand it personally to those two chefs you have insulted them if you still have balls, not just a pen in your hand. Flunkies? Gimme a break! Eat more burger and start writing the second burger book, please. Also add the burger here on your list if you have not tried it. In addition, the one that you put picture on the article, why not putting his picture and his former chef de cuisine, Patrick Connelly as he busted his ass working so hard to earn James Beard Award as the Best Chef of North East. I heard people worked along with him or outside the revolving door of the restaurant complimented about his hard work and commitment. I honestly think none of the cooks anywhere will be appreciated reading his feed that bag's article.
I don't like the fact that most chefs have dedicated their life and passion to cooking and years of painful experience to climb to the top or earn recognition or even gain more financially but then got blindsided by some idiots with a pen in their hand not even have had formal culinary background or some kind of investment in their education about food. 20 to 30 years of hardwork in the kitchen vs just hours of stupid article this minus one ball writer spent to rush it out before the deadline. 20 years from now, nobody will go back and read his article or even recognize who he is because he isn't an iconic writer, in contrast to the legacy those great chefs have built and will remain it. Who is the flunkie?
One thing for fact, it doesn't matter how many time/places you (food critics) have eaten or sampled the food, your palette will not be as good as cooks/chefs behind the stove tasting one single dish thousand times. One to thousand ratio, you figure that one out first before you VP editor should be able to call himself "Bruni's dick" (as he picked that name to respond to the comment I left.
Flukies? Really? Who the -- actually is.... Feed your douche bag a little more. Another one called himself, Bruni's dick? Psssh! Genital wart, may be!
"If you're goin' to SanFrancisco........."
(continue singing) "Be sure to wear some flower in your hair".....WT @%^&# ? Ok, it was the song of 60's and it was about a friend.
Yesterday was the last day of another great friend I met @Radiu.s, Dave. We sure will miss him, his upbeat personality, loud noise, jokes, and energy. Dave is heading to join Kevin and Meagan to cook in SF. I am sure he was never been treated with the kinda farewell party we gave him, the champagne toast with the whole FOH and kitchen staffs, written wishes on Radius's menu, an ice cream machine from Aya, and the song "San Francisco" sung by everyone of us when we were rolling bread.
I heard the song came up on Ipod while enrouted to work couple days ago. And decided to bring out speaker to play while everyone rolling the bread. It broke the rule of no music in the kitchen but I did it for a friend and good laugh. We all needed it after two long exhausting restaurant weeks. Then it was turned off. That was the trial version. On his last day, yesterday, I went to Matt and Dougie with the idea of printing lyric out. You should see their face and a go green light. So I did print a stack of lyric of "San Fracisco by Scott McKinzie (sountracked in Forrest Gump) and handed to everyone. It was joyful moment for all of us. Struggling with the beginning a bit as we still had ticket fired and Foley (Matt) was still cookin' behind the line. As soon as he was available, I turned on the music. I have never seen as much as laugh and joy on everyone face as I did yesterday. Seeing Doug, Matt, Vito, Aya, Janissa, and everyone singing by the lyric and laughed along, it was priceless. I hided speakers in pastry shop and apologized to Matthew afterward. I knew he was totally ok with it as I thought it was very nice of him also to get everyone into the kitchen and gave him a true farewell/champagne toast.
Dave is a neat freak (good compliment about him). I have never seen anyone working as neat as him, Tyler, Dougie, Matthrew and . He also has good teaching skill and work with the same pattern and own established system. I am sure we all do but he was something... like the way he made and rolled gnocchi and how he cut mushroom with rhytem. Just amazing. And his hunger to learn more is second to none which at times end up frustrating himself. I am one of them too. Wishing him nothing but the best in his career. I am sure one day life will cross path again and he realized that he have met many true good friends here.
Best of luck, Dave and Kevin and Meagan. All three are great people I have met here @ one of very best kitchen in Boston.
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March 21, 2009
Stars, Rating, Food Critic and ramdom thought
Here are some listing of what chefs had to say about rating game and food critics based on Food and Wine.com, the article "The Hottest Chefs Alive". by a cookbook author Anya von Bremzen.
Ferran Adia's view on the ratings game : "The Michelin star system is the disease of the restaurant busi-ness!"
Jean George's view on rating game
"Last year was the best of my life; then I woke up one Monday and discovered that my Zagat ranking had dropped. I felt like the world had collapsed."
Pierre Gagnaire's view on the ratings game
"Just as we lost some points in Gault Millau, we turned down 200 reservations. This makes no sense!"
Gordon Ramsey's thoughts on restaurant critics "I threw out one critic [A. A. Gill] and his dinner partner [Joan Collins] because he accused me of having a shotgun marriage."
I recently read about a three Michelin star chef, Olivier-Roellinger because I just bought his book and wanted to know more about him. The article of Gourmet.com sort of giving me something to think and write about. Why he walked away on the top of pinnacle when he spend 20 something years to chase 3 stars? Just like that, he retired like Marco Pierre White and Joel Robuchon. I am sure they are like Brette Favre and Michael Jordan who can't resist wealth, fame, and recognition. He will come back, just like everyone who are passionate about what they do. Robuchon came back so did Marco P W. They could not stay away and living small once they've reached the pinnacle of their career. To maintain 3 stars or acquire it requires high maintainance, commitment, and lots of money. Economically, he is not the first who decide to walk or chose to go into casual dining market like Gray Kuntz and Laurent T. of BLT. Most chefs retire when they feel it is time (age).
Human being do care about what other people think of them. That's bottomline. Eventhough when someone say they don't, yes we all do. We care how our own dad and mom, friends, and even strangers perceive us at times. Same goes with every chef and restaurant, they care, not only food is their passion. Food rating system, food critic, and even public opionion always have major impact on chef's career and the life and dealth of restaurant as well.
A great master chef who was widely respected by his peers, Benard Loiseau of La Cote d'Or, took his own life when there was a rumor that Michelin would take away one of his star. He has lost couple point by Gault Millau which is one of the most influential French restaurant guide. They never did. A shame, really is. It made me dislike Michelin star and boycott the use of Michelin products. It is the death of a modern hero to all young cooks like the retirement of the great like Marco P W or Robuchon. The system made them becoming who they are. Rise to the top and struggling to deal with pressure. Stress never gives a break to those who want to stay and perform at the top at any given careers, sports or else. I've read Benard Loiseau's book, "Burgandy Stars"(publised in 90's),before "The Perfectionist" which was published after his dealth in 2003. It was written and published before "The Fourth Star by Daniel Boulud" which is another book I really like about restaurant insight. Burgandy Stars was a book by an author who spent a year in his restaurant in Burgandy. After I read both books, I have a lot of respect for Benard Loiseau. He was also bipolar like my sister. Monsieur Loiseau, kudo to your life, dedication, and inspiration.
When Michelin first came to NYC, big piss off scene and head scatching for New York chefs. I can't wait for the Boston guide one which will probably include New England and Cape Area. The omission of Bouley, Chanterrelle, and 11 Madison Park is just pure stupid. In 80's to early 90's, Bouley was considered the best in NYC as well as Chanterrelle. Beside, 2 stars given to Daniel (???) which is the same caliber as Le Bernadine, Perse, and Jean George, I felt agitated. Daniel Boulud is among the most respectful chef in the country, easily to rank among the top 10. 2 stars is just a slap in the face. My recent visit to NYC before coming to Radiu.s full time, I looked through Michelin guide and found Public for one star, Public? That place is cool but definitely not worth a star. I ate @ WD-50 which was voted one of the top 50 world best. They got one star. Momofuku.Ko for 2 stars? You (inspectors) had trouble getting table in his small counter service like everybody else there in NYC, I bet. Having one option to get seat (only 12 @ the bar) through online reservation only? Smart David.Chang for adopting El Bulli's reservation concept. What happening when demand is higher than availability of supply? Limitation to availability earn him two stars, frakkin' great! Get Chang to challenge any Japanese chefs making ramen from scatch, please. I don't doubt his dedication but two stars same ranking as Daniel? Perhaps, Michelin should give Wagamama a star. Jojo where I dined got one star. Jojo served good food, and service was ok. I think it is worth a star but much better food than public or else. Yeah, What do I know? "French, what do you know?" as Americans negatively perceived them. Love hate relationship between these two will never get better. I watched a wine documentary long ago. When a French wine maker blinded tasted a wine in his own vineyard, he said it was great. Until the host of the show pulled that American wine out of brown bag, that guy spitted out in disgust and said it was suck. It was ridiculous to watch. Climate in France in some regions are aweful. Unlike in California, the weather there is stable and allow wine to be produced with consistent quality. Where was the vintage label initiated then? the answer is in France. Slapping vitage label on the year the weather is @best behavior. You will hardly see vintage label on American and Australian wine bottle. Yes, French wine is complicated and sophisticated, yet fun to study it. I personally think Appellation system in food and beverage in France is a genuis way to preserve originality of the produces created in a particular region, sort of giving a sense of culinary map. Back to food rating, in USA, 5 Mobil Star, 5 AAA Star, and Relaise Chateau properties are widely respected until Michelin set their foot in to take over. Michelin guide has been in Europe for years, why now? Why not earlier ? Two big egoticial countries, France and USA...what can I say? I once studied the printed out documents from AAA and Mobil site to find out what their requirement or standard they look for when wanting to be considered for 4-5 stars rating. Reading through pages of their requirement, I have more respected for those 4-5 stars business establishments. I chatted with Mike's family when vacationing @ their 4 stars, The Inn at Leola in Lancaster (Amish country) in PA with Pookie and Mike's ex girlfriend. They were considering to go aftertheir 5th star. I worked @ Colonial In.n@ that time and also curious why Jurgen never bothered to go after 4 or 5 stars. Now, I understand his side of business mind.
Now, damn food critic in general. Yes, some food critics are knowledgeable but some are idiot. Like me, I am an idiot food diary writer to many who may come across my personal writing and judge me. They do not know why I started writing this or what really inspired me to do it. That's ok or Duck Fat (just switch the positions of D and F) to them. Perhaps, I do read about food more than those pricks or may be not. Personal knowledge..that's all I care. This is not a show off platform. This is my personal thing, a way to communicate with people I love or care living far apart (sick of emailing), a place where my everyday life involving food. It is not NY time or fame seeking like some blogger. I do not profit any crap I wrote from my never stop thinking brain. No ad on my blog or else. Therefore, I am not judging any of them (the critics )here or never have right to do so. I've read one article in the past when a chef dared some yelper or blogger to throw on a chef jacket and come to cook in the restaurant. I bet you they will cry like a little bioche on each every single knife cut on their finger or when splashes of hot sizzling oil contact their soft well mositurizered skin. And they will swear that they will never ever do it as a profession. When I watch Iron chef the ending part, I always get pissed off listening to the judging panel discussing about food and acting like they are food god. I wanna see the three members of Iron chef panel including the great Thomas Keller, Robuchon, or someone else with iconic statue like Marco Pierre White judging people who are in the same industry with them. TV commercial driven program, that's what they are. Those food critics? Just try to sell their book, really.
Personally, I do not really care much about what food critics thinking about some place I wanna eat. I will find public opinions from different sources and decide where to go. I let my craving lead me. But in the kitchen world, we do not have a choice. We have to care what others perceive us. @Radiu.s, we treat every customer like they are food critic from the Globe or VIP. We carry knife, they carry pen. Their sharp words sure cut deeper than any finest Japanese blade slicing your skin. Their writing and rating may launch any chef's career to the stardom or dig a grave to end their career. Chef lost their job due to losing star, like former chef de cuisine @ Aureole who was replaced by Chris Lee who earned two stars @Gilt. Aureole has been a dining institute in NYC for years. A much respected Master chef, Christian Delouvrier, who was @ helm at the Essex House, got fired because the restaurant lost a star. He was the last chef @ Lepanesse prior to its closing (after Kuntz left). Frank Bruni got him fired. His replacement, Tony Esnault (one of Ducasse's own protegies) got axed after 3 years @ helm @ both Essex House or Adour (which is name after the river running by Ducasse's home town). He is now probably making more money working for Martha Stewart's company and less headache dealing with nasty pretending to be food god writers. There will be no fair ground for this battle for fact among chefs and food critics. ... I have seen many chefs just walk away to be personal chef, working for corporation, Why doing it a hard way to cook for public and has to be under scrutiny of those who are cowardly writing behind the desk with sharp words written by their cheap pencils vs food made by cooks in the kitchen using 2-500 dollars knife with blood sweat and tear and very little money made yet cooking with pride? Just different point of view on both side of swinging kitchen door?
I am sure most chefs can write better than food critics because of their understanding of food through actual experience with cooking. Try throwing writers behind the line, they will screw all dishes. Getting screamed @ or rushed the dishes out will rattle their nerves. Try having them experditing food and handle upto a thousand dishes a day versus rushing to submit their written article with their total ignorance of what consequences other people lifes will have to deal with from their tip of the pen.
.............no more rant, rave, brain running wild thinking about food, and food craving stomach. I need to go bed. Switch off. The End !
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Sake with friends, Restaurant Week, New Cook, Farewell Week to a Good Friend, and U2
Last Saturday, I slept over 20 hours. Just exhausted. A simple phone call from Nate @ Sel. to urge me to join Leslie, Niki, Sam, Lily and him got me off the bed. I headed down to Chinatown to Apollo to celebrate Leslie's BD (Sunday). By not eating all day and having sake and beer before meal was bad idea. I had headache afterward. It was great seeing them as they are all good friends I met @ Sel. Good to hear that Sam finally had it @ Sel. He decided to drop off Cordon Bleu Boston, went to stage @ Five Fiffty Five in Portland by Steve Corby twice. He got the job and heading back home in couple weeks. He yet told BJ but I bet BJ had a back up plan as Sel started to look for a cook again. What is with this place? Looking for new people @ every quarter of the year. Nate's time is soon. He urged me to come down to his farm in Virginia, such a tempting offer. Heard they all talked about how lazy BJ is and how sous chefs had conflict with him, I didn't add anything into it. Peace... I thought Sel was such a nice place to work because I met great friends. BJ has been there long long time. Like Leslie said, he knows the place. And I bet he know how to cover his lazy ass and start to feel comfortable working there. I just hate lazy people who do nothing, not lead by example, and make everyone life miserable by pushing others. I used to have respect for him for the opportunity he gave me. My good friend, Savanah, just left that restaurant to return to Radiu.s because an idiot manager name Ian called her "Pussy". I would deck that guy mouth if I was there @ that moment. I met Savanah@Union and wherever I go to work, they all love her as a person.. Radiu.s is always a special place for her. Her and Ted had urged me to come to stage around end of 2007. I thought about trying to contact with former chef de cuisine, Patrick. They both said Pat worked really hard.
Funny how life oftenly comes to the full circle and coincidence. Have you ever experienced one like me? The change of role in your career, meeting people in the strangest places and reunite with them, and etc. Anyway...
This week and next week are winter restaurant weeks in Boston. Restaurant week in Boston has been so successful during the downtime of restaurant business in early Spring and late Summer. Many cities in the USA have now started doing restaurant weeks promotion as well (copy cat!). The theme is simple. Price = the year. $20.09 three courses lunch for 2009. Dinner is just 10 dollars more. Entrees price nowaday running around that range anyway. But I have seen many places scaling down their serving portion. Not @ the places I previously worked or now work though. This promotion does not tanish the image of any restaurant participating though, unlike some discount or promotion which can send out the wrong message to its diners.
When I first introduced Restaurant Week idea to my former boss @Colonial Inn, they thought I was F-rated crazy. Concord? 30 minutes ride from Boston? Diane D @ Greater Boston and Visitor Bureau was very helpful. There was around just over 50 restaurants participating @ that time, all in Boston and suburb like Newton or Wellesly, Lumier.e and Blue.Ginger. Now, the number of participants increase every year and the expansion well beyond Boston to the Cape and Greater Boston. My servers @ the Inn hated it as they b-tched and mourned about having to work harder for the lower average checks. They just had no idea how the restaurant week would benefit them. Go to any Chinese restaurants in Chinatown, please. They do not need this kind of promotion. They serve affortable food and just want people to get into their restaurant door. Rain or sine, holiday or regular days...alway jam packed. The chinese are willing to take less profit as they prefer fill their place up no matter what. Nowaday, the Inn still participates in restaurant week. I am happy to see it from another side of the door, the kitchen door of somewhere else.
Now, I am @ another side of the story as back of the house staffs, kitchen. I have to say majority of kitchen people hate it because they have to be in early or leave late in order to prep for full booking, everyday. I am not talking about here. I have been in the restaurant over 13-15 hours a day and got home tired during restaurant week. Hurt my groin one day and had to walk and stand all day and ran 100 feet chasing the damn T in one morning. It was bad pain on top of usual knee and backache. I was totally f- up but I kept on grinding on those painful joints and work harder. In fact, serving restaurant week menu has been very easy coz everybody order it. Just $20.09 for 3 course lunch and $30.09 for 3 courses dinner? Who doesn't like it? The average check @Radiu.s is probably over $60 a person in general. I bet it is higher.
This is gonna be Dave's last week prior to joining Kevin and Meagan in SF in April. I totally hate to see him go as well. Dave has been a good friend I met here. But life is about journey to self discovery and continuous evolution in kitchen life for all of us, the cooks. I can only wish him well and enjoy the last ride with him in this kitchen. Hopefully, we will have life cross path somewhere in the future. I only know that I will visit them in SF while on route back to my home town and pook's openning arm one day. Dave is funny and smart guy. It will be quiter not having him around.
The new staffs @Radiu.s started this week, Adrienne. I was excited and I could not be happier for her. @ Radius kitchen, I always admire my female coworkers, especially Aya, Caitlin, and Janissa. Kitchen is such a tough place to be and cooking is backbreaking kinda job. Carrying 40 lb bags of sugar or flour or big stock pot even wear me down. I always have tremendous respect for women in this industry. In addition, I've long wished that I will have an opportunity one day to either work or stage with some female chefs; such as, Sophie Pic, Lynch, Sortun, Lydon, Kelly, Goin or etc. Women are much more dedicated, sophisticated, and well organized than men in my opinion and from where I was brought up. Certainly tougher minded than men also. If a man had to give birth to a child and bear that same pain all women do, they will scream like little girl. Take my word for that.
When she first staged, I told myself "I have seen this kid (not exactly a kid but many are 10 years younger than me) before somewhere". I thought couple second and went to her with question "you worked @ Arrows Restaurant last May, didn't you?". Pook and I saw her while we arrived @ the restaurant when she was preparing grilled asparagus wrapped proscuito as an amuse bouche outside the restaurant. I recognize people face and their demeanor like computer saving files. She didn't look like miserable cook standing outside. It was early spring and cold yet she kept her composer and show us why Arrows would be our great dining experience. I remember she greeted me when I first arrived to inquire about availability of table (no reservation made as we just went) as she pointed me to the front door. And she said the last thank you as we left while she was cleaning her cooking station outside the kitchen. I still recognized the face of Danielle Johnson (Manager/sommelier), our server, bus person, the hostess, and the chef to this day. It was a great meal and the service was amazing. She will be great here and that's all I can say from seeing her determination to work and learn. And she didn't like to be treated differently here also. Cool ! what can I say? Don't mess with soccer girl. She will kick your ass. I said to her "may be I am older but here to learn still". May be you can learn something from me or others and teach us something as well. We (Foley, Doug, and me )probably will get her into reading cookbooks and turn her to be a food nut like us. So welcome....
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February 22, 2009
Waking up with one choice to make : Chasing my dream
When waking up in the morning in yesterday street clothes or with my backpack still on my back and all lights in the room are still on, I always turn off the light and give myself a real 10 more minute sleeping in the dark so my body can lie to myself that I've just had a nice night sleep. I actually don't. I pass out everyday. I can't lay on the bed telling myself "just 10 min, then I am gonna shower", never work for me. I burn every single inner energy on my every day life in the restraurant kitchen with my total dedication. I go to work before anybody, and only leave after the others. Even after persistently reminding by the former sous chefs ( I do miss them), Kevin and Meagan or Matthew, Chef de cuisine " J get a life. Go home", I insist to stay. Cooking and working have been my life. Friends at work have been my family. And food has been my total passion and addiction.
Without having alarm blaring for the second time after 10 minute nap, I kick myself off the bed telling myself "chasing the dream, chasing the dream!". I even reminded Dave today by saying that "when you wake up everyday, there are two choices you can make; going back to sleep or waking up to chase your dream". He love it as he wrote it on a marking tape and stick it to remind himself. My dream is to cook and have my own place/inn/restaurant and be able to spend the rest of the life with Pook and take care of her and our family. Then doing something which make me who I am = helping others as a pay it forward. Now my dream is to push myself to the next level and be better cook. The next level is to be able to cook in any world best kitchen, even for one day. I keep reminding myself daily why I am doing it.
"Focus on what you do first" = focus on your job and what considered priority also echo in my conciousness. That's what one of the chef I have long admired, Michael Leviton @ Lumier.e once told me. I missed a chance to witness two restaurant's 10 years celebration in the past few months. Radiu.s did it around end of last year. Lumie.re just had it this month. I thought about calling Michael up and offered to come in to do prep work for Lumiere's 10 year celebrating dinner which he invited all his chef de cuisine and former sous chefs back in the kitchen. My former chef de cuisine, Barry, thought it was just not his style. I don't think he ever like any chef in Boston or beyond. In contrast to me, I think it would be such an honor to cook for someone who I consider a mentor and inspiration. I would offer to take pictures with my camera so I could give him the photos as a memorabia of his culinary milestone. But then I thought that I wrote cards for him for the past two years holidays and forgot to send it as well as sending to my family and friends. By totally focusing on cooking, I totally wipe out outside world and focus on my only family, restaurant and Pook. I put my family concern and friends aside... I cook and forget the date... and I forgot the day of celebration. I wanted to kick my own nuts for that. I really wanted to go back there to help out as to show my true appreciation for what he did for me. He probably don't know what kinda of influence and impact he has on my cooking career.
In my every morning shower, I submerg myself head to toe in a (freaking) hot running tub for at least 5 minutes so blood rushing up to my brain and down to numb legs and hurt knees. Then I start 15-20 minutes reading in my bath tub. Reading is the best suggestion Chef Leviton ever told me. "Spend your income on books and read" he said that. My grandpa said the same thing all along. He really did inspire me from his advice and his career path to success and passion for cooking with sustainable produces. And his restaurant is also green.
I met Randy's family today after bothering them by leaving my car in their driveway for over couple months. Headed out for big breakfast @ Mike's diner which is Clinton's favorite breakfast place in town. Randy's family has been kind to me from his mom, Miguel, Claudia, his brother (edwin). They give me a real sense of having a family here and always treat me like a part of thir family. I feel I have to write about them coz they do remind me of my family. They did enjoy sharing picture of their trips to Toledo, Barcelona, Madrid and pictures of food as they remember how much I truely enjoy talking about food. BTW, as I sat in Mike's diner having breakfast, I saw Jamie Bissonnett (considering the best Charcuterier in city of Boston), chef de cuisine of Toro owned by another chef I've always admired, Ken Oringer. I heard Leo, a former sous chef@Radiu.s , cooking here @meat station. I almost ran after him to ask if I can come to stage in his kitchen on day off. I ate his food since he was @ Peking tom and Eastern Standard. Just an amazingly talent cook.....
I have been taking key from Alex to do the opening so that it forces me to be there before anybody else and stay commited to my goal. I will do as much as I can to get work done, prepare for tomorrow, and help out others setting up station. Then hopefully, I manage to be consistently productive and will allow me to have one extra hour a day to learn more from others. If others work 10, I will put up 12 hours. I am preparing to stage in the kitchens in Boston first before aiming to do it in NYC on weekly basis. Hey 52 weeks in a year is 52 opportunities for me. Now, I have been recharging my old battery by resting over the weekend. I feel I have not been sleeping well for the past 17 years. May be it starts to take toll. I will never stop until one day I can have a family with Pook as planed and can see her breaking a smile as a sign of happiness (she alwas does). And Pookie, I am sorry to put you and my family through these years, waiting and waiting for me to return home. Here I feel home but I do not actually have the kind of homey feeling I have had while with my family and your family. I have to do anything to follow my one man dream. I will only stop before my last single breathe. Nowaday, I can't let the back of my head leaning against anything coz it will put me to sleep. That when I stop living a dream for a long resting pause.
PS: The encore of my day is to get a reply from Michael on Facebook after I sent him couple note to congratulate him on this year James Beard normination for Best Chef of Northeast. I felt really happy reading his message and his continuous support. That real sense of happiness was just the same when I drove to meet him and to work there. It was a dream meal I had with Pook @ his restaurant and a dream job I had and a living dream of being a professional cook. It was a great start and people there taught me so much that they probably didn't realize. Thank you isn't just enough from me to show my true gratitude.
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February 14, 2009
Happy Valentine & 90 tasting menu sold?
It has been a long exhausting week. I put lots of hours helping out but didn't go in on Valentine night to help out. I would love to but slept like dead meat until 8pm. After hearing 90 tasting menu sold on top of 200 something covers cooked and heard them still cooking after 1230am when I called, I did not expect anyone to be able to make it to dimsum lunch as planned. They all left around 230am.
One thing I am real happy about isn't just about his Birthday but about how he decided to go out and find a place to stage. Now he is doing what I did for 6 months. Clio is an awesome kitchen and Ken Oringer is one of the country best and an elite chef. 
cookbooks and a gift for him. There I saw an owner cat with acrobatic sleeping posture. That cat certainly look alike my first and only cat. And I thought of my friend Tino who just left for Sensing when I drove near North End where the Fairmont hotel is. All of sudden I saw another damn street sign with his name on it. Funny how another coincidence occured.Quote of the Day
